So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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