Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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