Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
