i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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