if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
