Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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