lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
