trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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