I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
