He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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