...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
