This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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