i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
