I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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