so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
