When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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