I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
