Those balls look pretty dangerous.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
