You smell like stripper and shame
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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