I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
