i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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