Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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