I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
