If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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