...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
