i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
