I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
