How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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