my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
