my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
