At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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