I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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