I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
