Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
