i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
