Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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