I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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