If you die in college, do you die in real life?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
