Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
