I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
