Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
