I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
