I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sober January is a disaster.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
