WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
