So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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