I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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