Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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