Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
