If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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