In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
